I Love You When You're Wet
by OverSweetNightmare
Summary: Kyman! Everyone loves going to the water park, right? Right. Fluffy oneshot.


**AN: Holy crap! What's this? Could it be... a new story from OSN? Quick, tell all your friends! She hasn't died! Huzzah!**

**No, seriously. Hey guys. I did another story. Yay. I was at a pool, and it was like, holy crap! Story tiemz!**

**I have... four other oneshots to write, my two multichaps, and the project. Oy. Project should be done within the next thirty days (going slower than I expected), and the oneshots sooner than that. Maybe. Hopefully.**

**Thanks for all the recent faves of my stories! I feel so loved.**

**Story tiemz now.**

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I drummed my fingers impatiently on my knee, my eyes glued to the staircase. Kyle was taking way too long for my liking. We'd been over my patience (or rather, lack of it) plenty of times before. And he was just changing into some fucking swim trunks! He was always doing shit like this, always taking way too long on simple tasks because he had to "get it just right." There was no fucking _art_ to putting on swim trunks, for one, and secondly he only had one _fucking_ pair. So he wasn't trying to choose whatever looked best with his eyes or any of that stupid shit. I was just about to run up there and dress him myself.

"Kyle!" I shouted angrily once I felt I'd been waiting long enough. "What the fuck are you doing up there?"

"Coming!" he called back nervously, and to my absolute fury, his voice came from the top of the stairs instead of from his room or something. What was he doing, standing there until I called his stupid ass downstairs?

I drummed my fingers against my knee even harder as I heard his quiet, slow footsteps begin his descent. He was one of the few people who could make me this fucking irritable and not get backhanded for it, I swear.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," I said exasperatedly when he came into view.

He was wearing his swim trunks, which was good; they were a bright lime green with yellow stripes on both sides. He also had on sandals, which I couldn't complain about because it was actually a pretty hot day and his feet could get burned on the pavement. I mean, it was hot for South Park, anyway… but that was hot enough to warrant footwear. No, what irritated me what the damned shirt he was wearing. A _shirt._ To the _water park._

"You're taking that off when we get there, right?"

Kyle shook his head stubbornly and yanked the hem of the damned thing down to the middle of his thighs. If he didn't look so goddamned adorable I probably would have started getting _really_ angry. For now, I stayed at a nice, comfortable _extremely irritated_ level.

I stood up from the couch and slowly walked over to him, arms crossed over my bare chest. "Why the fuck are you wearing a shirt, Kyle?"

He looked down at his feet and twisted the hem of his shirt in his hands. "Because it looks better than my chest does."

"When the fuck did you decide your chest didn't look good?"

"It doesn't. It never did."

"When did it start looking bad? Honestly, Kyle. You growing ginger chest hair or something?"

"No!"

"Then what the fuck is wrong?"

Kyle grumbled something under his breath and turned away from me. "I just don't like it, okay? I'm scrawny and pale and no one wants to see me half-naked."

"I do," I said with a raised eyebrow. "Hell, I want to see you completely naked."

He glanced over his shoulder at me, expression frustrated. "That's just because you want to fuck me, it's not like you –"

I quickly wrapped my arms around him and yanked him back into my chest. I loved how tiny he felt… It was almost enough to make me stop feeling irritable. Almost. "Kyle, I love your body. You should know that by now. I don't know what this 'scrawny and pale' complaint is from, because I think you're just the right size, and I love how pale you are."

"I thought paleness was a ginger trait," he murmured.

"It looks good on you," I said as I held him tighter. "So does the red hair. You're fine, Kyle. Okay? Perfectly fine."

He was silent for a long time, hands now resting on my arms and body relaxed against mine. I was being patient with him only because I loved being so close, but I didn't want to wait forever for a fucking reply.

Then, "I'll never get used to that."

"Used to what?" I asked confusedly.

"Your voice," he replied. "It's changed so much."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Just like him to bring up something totally fucking irrelevant. "Yeah, yeah, that's what happens when you lose weight. Can we go now? Please?"

"Fine," he said sharply. "I'm not taking my shirt off. Period."

"Whatever," I said as I let go of him. "Let's just get to the goddamned water park. I'm driving."

We spent a good while trying to stay angry with each other and being uncomfortably quiet, but after about ten minutes of being in the car, Kyle was holding my free hand tightly in his own. And as usual, it took all of two minutes for me to forgive him for being a stubborn Jew bitch, and then I was holding his hand just as tightly.

..

"It sure is packed today," Kyle said in wonder as we walked past the entrance gate. He was clinging to my arm almost desperately, and I honestly didn't mind. One of my favorite things about him was that he was a clinger. It was like he couldn't get enough of me… and that was exactly how I wanted it.

"Yeah, well, a hot day in Colorado isn't all that common," I said with a shrug. "You'd figure they'd be lining up around the block to get into a nice, cool water park."

"It isn't _that_hot, Cartman."

"No, but how often to you get the chance to come here without freezing your balls off?"

"I guess you're right." Kyle nuzzled my arm before tugging me towards the center of the park.

"I'm always right, Kyle," I said with a grin.

We walked around for a little while, looking for the best place to go first amid the numerous pools, rides, attractions and clusters of tourists. Kyle refused to go into anything with a large amount of people – he was positive that at least ten of them would piss in the water, new laws or no. And I wouldn't go in anything with more black and brown people than whites (which Kyle yelled at me for, but he didn't press me to accept them because he knew it would be useless). Naturally, the filled pools were filled with whites, and the ones with less people were occupied by… _them._ So it took us a while to find anything suitable.

We finally came upon a pool that was suitable for the both of us. It was shallow, being five feet at the deepest, but the only people in it were a few _white_ parents and their kids. Kyle objected a little, since he figured kids would piss in the water, but I assured him we'd stay far away. I jumped in the deepest area immediately, thrilled to finally have somewhere to swim. But after surfacing and shaking the water out of my face, I noticed that Kyle hadn't moved. He was standing at the edge of the pool and twisting the hem of his shirt in his hands.

"Kyle, you said this pool was good enough!" I said angrily. I was _not_waiting for him to get his skinny ass in the goddamned water.

"It is," he said quickly. "I just… I mean… It's probably still kinda cold, and –"

"The water is _fine,_ Kyle!" I snapped. "Now get in!"

He shot me a glare before slowly stepping closer to the water. I knew he was about to do something that would piss me off – that's always what he fucking does. And sure enough, he sat down on the pool's edge and put his feet in the water. And just to make it worse, he winced, almost like the water was actually fucking cold.

"Kyle what the fuck?"

"The water is _cold_, Cartman!"

"Of course it's fucking cold, you have to fucking jump in!"

"Fuck you!"

"That's _it,_ Jew!"

Kyle's eyes widened, and before he had a chance to back away, I lurched out of the water and grabbed him by the fabric of his stupid shirt. As I fell back towards the water, I dragged him with me, and the last thing I heard before I went back under was his scream of pure outrage.

"_Cartman!"_ he screeched once we both came back up. "What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?"

"I was just getting you in the water," I replied with a smug grin. "Seems I succeeded."

He struggled furiously against me, but I held him tight enough so that his attempts were in vain. He let out a frustrated cry and looked at me dangerously. I could only smirk back at him.

I couldn't be angry now. No way. One of my favorite things about Kyle was his temper. I loved how flushed his face was, how his thin eyebrows crouched low over his furious green eyes, how he bared his teeth at me and dug his nails into my shoulders in an attempt to make me let go of him… Not to mention how cute he was when he was wet. It was a weird thing to admire, but I'd gladly pour a bucket of water over his head and suffer the consequences just to see him like this. I was suddenly loving his shirt – it clung to his small frame in the most _delicious_ way.

"Stop fucking staring at me and let me _go,_ asshole!"

"You look so sexy when you're wet," I purred, licking my lips as his eyes widened considerably. I leaned forward to kiss him, but one of his wet hands slapped over my lips before I could get close enough.

"Cartman, there are kids here! And protective moms!" he said nervously. "We can't start making out here!"

I licked his hand, and he pulled it away with a yelp and splashed it around in the water. "Kyle, I'm currently holding you to my chest, and your legs are around my waist. Making out won't make this look any worse."

He looked down in shock. "When the hell did I do that?"

"Jesus Christ, Kyle…"

He looked up at me and glared half-heartedly. "Still! Kissing is worse! I mean, have they noticed us yet? They will if we start eating each other's faces!"

I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms tightly around him. "Kyle, c'mon. Who cares what they think?" I grinned mischievously at him and lowered one hand down to his ass. "Besides… you know you love my sweet, buff body when it's all nice and wet…" He seemed paralyzed by my advances, so I leaned forward and carefully trailed my tongue along his bottom lip.

The next thing I knew, there was a small, wet hand pushing against my face as Kyle struggled vigorously against my grasp. I let him go, and he paddled over to the edge of the pool and gripped it tightly, swinging his body up so he could put his feet against the wall. I swear he looked like some sort of... like... Jewish monkey. Once he was clinging firmly to the lip of the pool, he looked back at me with wide eyes and an incredibly red blush.

"What the _fuck _is wrong with you, Cartman?"

"Déjà vu," I said as I swam over to him. "I swear you said that already today. Might be wrong, though."

He glared daggers at me, and I just grinned and reached up to pull him back into the water. He allowed me, much to my surprise, so I took complete advantage of it and got him into a position that allowed me to cradle him like a little baby. He still looked like he wanted to kill me, but instead of struggling, he wrapped his arms around my neck and held on tight as I waded further into the pool. A glance to the left confirmed that we were indeed being stared at by some mothers, and there were a few preteens I hadn't noticed earlier watching us as well. Perfect – I wanted them to feel awkward and uncomfortable. I loved it when _anyone_ around me felt that way.

"You're my precious widdle baby, you know that?" I cooed playfully down at Kyle. "You're my sweet widdle Jewish baby, yes you are, yes you aaare…"

Kyle smacked me on the side of my head, and I started laughing. Getting to him was always so much fun. I looked down, expecting to be verbally assaulted like always. Sure enough, he opened his mouth to start bitching at me. On an impulse I ducked down and gave him a kiss. There were a few good seconds of stillness that allowed me to slip my tongue in and roam around, but then he started struggling and thrashing his legs in the water and I had to let go of him.

"What the _hell, _Cartman?"

"There's that déjà vu again," I remarked with a chuckle. Then I reached out towards him, hoping to pull him close again, but he backed away and shot me yet another glare. "And you answer your outburst, I just really, really wanted to kiss your sweet Jew lips."

Kyle rolled his eyes and moved closer to me, but not close enough for any snuggling. It was funny to me how the water came up to my chest while it was at his collar bones. I would have made a short joke, but I knew he was seconds away from ripping my tongue out and shoving it up my ass. So I was content to stand by him and study the area around us and the people at the other end of the pool shooting us dirty looks.

"I knew it would be cold," Kyle grumbled as he wrapped his arms around himself. "See? We should just sit out in the sun. Go get a snack or something."

I grinned evilly and leaned over to put my lips against Kyle's ear. "I know how to make it warmer…"

He screamed and got away from me as quickly as the water would allow. I could only laugh as he scrambled for the ladder and tore out of the pool. After a few moments of busting a gut, I followed him, though I went much slower than he had. Honestly I was shocked he hadn't slipped when he ran off. He was standing a good six feet away from the pool's edge, shivering and holding himself tightly.

"You're so fucking disgusting," he huffed as I approached.

"No, I just love messing with you," I said as I pulled him into my arms. "_You're _the disgusting one here. 'Oh, Cartman! Fuck! Cum in my face, Cartman! Oh please! Do it on my fucking –'"

I felt his sharp little teeth dig into the skin on my chest, and I yelped in pain and pulled back. He was even angrier than he had been earlier, and his blush was positively fantastic. I would have laughed if I wasn't busy nursing my wound.

"What the fuck, Kyle!"

"It's your fucking fault for saying shit like that in public!"

"No one can fucking hear us!"

"That doesn't mean you can fucking say it in fucking public!"

"You fucking _bit_ me!"

"You know you fucking loved it!"

"Not as much as you would have, you fucking Jew slut!"

"You're probably fucking right!"

We paused for a moment, glaring furiously at each other, and then we both burst into laughter. There was another thing I loved about Kyle – how easily he could turn arguments into fun banter. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love a good fight. But I just admired his ability to cut it off right in the middle.

I walked forward and pulled him into my arms again, and he lovingly kissed the spot he'd bitten. I nuzzled his wet hair and rocked him back and forth ever so lightly. I felt… happy. Just really, really happy. He was good at that. I tugged on his shirt, and it peeled away from his skin with a slick, wet sound. He arched against me and whimpered when I allowed it to fall back against him.

"This is why you shouldn't have worn this thing," I said with a chuckle. "It makes you even colder."

"Just keep holding me, asshole."

I smiled and rested my head on top of his as I held him tight against my body. "Yeah, yeah. You love my wet body, huh? My glistening, damp muscles? You like that?"

Kyle weakly slapped my back and whined pathetically. "Shut _up_…"

"Hey, why don't we go on one of the rides?" I asked excitedly. "That fuckin' huge one over there looks so cool, and there's definitely no piss there." I pointed to it, and I looked back to see his reaction. He didn't seem incredibly excited, but he didn't look like he was against it, either.

"Well, if you want to," he said slowly. "We can hold hands, right?"

"Of course."

"Okay. Then let's go on that one." He smiled warmly at me, and I had to smile back. He might be a stubborn Jew bitch, but he's adorable when he smiles.

So… maybe he's made me go a little soft.

"You want me to carry you, my little princess?" I asked playfully, and Kyle smacked my arm in response.

"What if someone we know is here?" he asked frustratedly. "Like Craig or Clyde or Token or someone else who doesn't know yet?"

"Then… they find out?" I replied, one eyebrow raised. I didn't really understand what his issue with telling people was. First of all, I don't give a shit what people think of me. Secondly, what the fuck is wrong with being gay anyway? If I'm gay, it's fucking cool. End of story.

"Cartman, please," Kyle said with a sigh. "I just… what if it got back to my mom?"

"She won't find out until we're married," I assured him. "We're fine. Let's get to that ride."

Kyle stared at me for a moment, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open. I waited a little awkwardly for him to speak; after a few seconds of silence, I was starting to get a little worried. That sort of look usually meant I'd said something out of line. But then his lips curved into a smile so big I thought it would literally get to his ears.

"You think we'll be married someday?"

I blinked. I honestly hadn't really thought about that comment – it seemed kind of natural for us to get married someday. We'd been together for almost two years already, and I figured it was the right next step. It never occurred to me that he thought it _wouldn't_ happen.

"Um, yeah?"

Before I even registered what was happening, Kyle lunged at me, his skinny arms latching around my neck as he covered my face in kisses. So much for not being seen, Jesus fucking Christ!

"Kyle, Kyle! Calm down! You're gonna hurt me!" I spluttered. He pulled away, grin still incredibly wide.

"Oh, Cartman! I never thought you loved me that much! Oh, thank you! Thank you thank you thank you! I love you _so_ much!"

"I love you too, baby," I said slowly as I gave him a tiny smile. I was still a little confused. He sure was acting excited… "It's gonna be a while, Kyle. I mean, don't start planning what your dress will look like already…"

"You want me to wear a dress? I can do that!"

I blinked and opened my mouth to reply, then closed it when I had nothing to say. I struggled for a few more moments. I… wasn't expecting that.

"I… I meant…"

He was looking at me with such hope in his eyes that I just couldn't finish what I had in mind.

"Um, yeah. I'd love it if you wore a dress. That… would be adorable. Um, can we go on that ride?" I jerked my thumb towards it, and he nodded enthusiastically and clung happily to my arm.

I swear, that boy has multiple personalities.

"I love you, Cartman…" he murmured as we began to walk.

I pulled my arm out of his grasp and wrapped it around his shoulders to pull him close. "Yeah, I know. I love you too, Jew."

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**AN: Didja like it? I sure hope so! And if you did... you can... review! _Holy crap what a concept._ Thanks to those of you who always do review, I love you very much.**

**Story is dedicated to Soul Flash, my most wonderful and talented Kyman buddeh ever.**

**Now I'mma go dissappear for a few more weeks. XP *vanishes into the shadows***


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